Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize