i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
