Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
