No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
