That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
