You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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