dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
smell my finger.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize