a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
