I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
