My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
