But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I just sharted jello shots
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
