Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
