Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made him laugh his dick is mine
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
