i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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