guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
