My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
