idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
