nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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