Cold hands, warm shart.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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