I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do vagina's smell?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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