You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
