my mouth tastes like poor choices
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
