so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
