I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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