you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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