tonight lets celebrate not being married
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
