just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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