I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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