I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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