Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
