guys are not supposed to queef...right?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Let's get the cat blown out
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
