the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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