its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
