I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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