Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
