Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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