dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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