I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
