Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize