I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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