My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
