I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
