I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
