Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
