im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
