I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
