Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
