May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
