Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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