apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
