Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
