Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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