Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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