paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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