I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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