I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
