You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
