the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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