Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
