I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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