is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize