Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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