i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize