well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
