HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
